I realize I like walking, really.

I feel like I truly enjoy this.

I used to imagine everything related to it, but I had never really focused on it.

🎧 HIT ME HARD AND SOFT - Billie Eilish ^[1]

I had never paused my thoughts, and concentrated on each step, on each breath. I had never done that.
Looking back, it makes me feel amazed and somewhat puzzled about myself.I was truly foolish, cowardly, and lazy.

Until bad things happened, and I found myself in a situation where I had to put on my shoes and step forward, I truly realized this.

That's the reality, it's mandatory,
I had no other choice.
I tried to lie to myself that I wanted it. No.
But now, I do want it.

It feels strange when you're forced to do something, and while doing it, you realize you love it. It's a magical turnaround, and you don't know what's true anymore.

The present is the truth.

I thought,
Why have I only noticed this now? What have I been doing all this time? This is the feeling I once imagined, and it really exists, it's always been there.

Step by step.
Breath by breath.

Walking alone under the dim lights, beneath the broad canopies of trees, with the wind brushing past, and the darkness seeming to want to engulf me.

Or am I trying to walk towards it to embrace it?

I'm not sure, maybe both.

If that path leads to an indefinite darkness, and if we are alone, would we follow our heart forward? Or simply turn towards the light where reason lies?

Step by step, I have an answer for both.

It heals me.
It makes me feel less lonely,
It makes me realize I've gained something that makes me smile,
after everything that has happened, it makes me less afraid.

Step by step,

I seem to shut off the negative thoughts that try to kill me every day,
I can hear each heartbeat of mine,
I can sense everything around me more clearly,
I can smell the leaves, the air, my own sweat,
I can feel the wind in front of me, behind me, to my left and right,
And I can feel myself moving, advancing forward.

The long stretches of road,
Places that even go beyond my sight,
I once thought I could hardly reach them just by walking.
But I've made it there,
Just with small steps.

I don't want to run.
Or rather, I'm not ready to run yet.
I don't want to move too fast,
I don't want my heart to beat too quickly,
I don't want to stumble and fall, and then have to stop for too long,
I don't want everything around me to blur by,
I don't want my mind to become foggy,
I just want to walk.

Walking makes me feel happy.
Walking makes me feel lucky.
Walking makes me feel like I exist.

Step by step, step by step, step by step,…

It's like a whisper,
It might have saved me.
It might have changed me.
It came just when I needed it.

I want to walk further than I can imagine, beyond what I've pictured, past the "impossible" that I've set up for myself.

Step by step,
Steadily,

Just do it.